im afraid of being more into someone than they are into me again.
hi, i'm crystal. positive vibes. creative mind ∞ passionate soul.
im afraid of being more into someone than they are into me again.
It’s a scary thing to open yourself up again. I’ve been hurt twice in the past by guys I really put my all into and cared for and I had to rebuild myself up back up. I’m so proud of the person I am today and to be able to help others get through their own situations. The only thing I wish I could just about myself is that I wish I wasn’t so afraid if opening up to someone again, I love being loved and giving it back but in the back of my mind I’ll always have fear. I don’t want to feel hurt or disappointment again. I don’t want to feel like every time I find something good and someone I really like that I gotta be afraid of losing it. I’m trying to teach myself each day to not hold back or guard my heart, that it’s okay to open yourself up to someone new, it’s all a learning process.
For anyone who has ever been cheated on, just know that it wasn’t you’re fault. I know what it’s like to have someone you love cheat on you and they can’t even have the respect to tell you. I understand it wasn’t easy finding out I was cheated on, but it made me a stronger person today. If they really loved you they would have told you, but if they really loved you then they wouldn’t have don’t it in the first place… But trust me after all of it, things will get better. You learn to love again, you will learn to forgive that person. It all takes time to heal and build yourself up again. You will understand that not everyone in this world is as brave as you are for loving again. Letting go comes in time too. You will feel pain, but with that pain comes strength and trust me you will get through it. Just know this and understand this do not ever blame yourself for it, you did everything you could to make that person happy. Build yourself up again and get away from that person. Don’t thing that every person will cheat on you cause not everyone will do what the last person did. I’m slowly learning this. Stay positive.
I can’t be around these guys who don’t value me anymore. I can’t give them my time and attention if they aren’t willing to do the same. My being is valuable to me. I love myself too much to make the same mistake twice. I deserve to be appreciated, loved, cared for, and seen as this beautiful person that I know I am. I am not someone who can just be tossed a side for when someone gets bored and is ready to come back again. I know my worth and I’m tired of giving my energy to guys who don’t care to see that. My time is my time. It’s not about me being selfish it’s about me loving myself more to let go of anyone who isn’t valuing me the way I should be valued. It’s time for me to move on to a place where I am working on myself and when the right person is ready to come into my life then I, myself will be ready as well. I’m ready to be at peace with myself and accepting that those guys who left me aren’t for me and that’s okay. I didn’t need them because “not everyone you lose is a loss.”
Keep this in mind ladies.
I’m really glad I don’t have feelings for anybody right now. That shit gets too complicated, having to deal with all those feelings and stuff. & Then trying to figure out whether or not if the other person likes you. Honestly, at least for me that whole having a crush on someone is so annoying sometimes. It’s the worse feeling having to see the person you like has feelings for someone else or what not. & then dealing with the mixed signals ugh. It’s like if you like me just tell me already and stop playing games. So yeah I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that, it’s just too much. I don’t bother with chasing anyone. If someone wants me in their life it will naturally happen and I know I wouldn’t have to question it. The right person will come at the right time for me.
Until then, I am focusing on making myself a stronger person and being happy on my own is good, too young to be stressing over someone.
God always knows when to put the right things in my life at the right time.. I’ve seen it before. He also knows when to take out any negative thing that is toxic or hurts me spiritually. So I’m thankful for that, I just have to learn when to close doors and trust Gods timing instead of trying to keep them open.
couldn’t be happier right now, its like is a weight has been lifted off of me. No longer have to deal with this anymore. Im onto a new chapter of my life and Im glad Im not going down that wrong path. I feel great. Thank you Lord for doing this for me and putting me through that struggle. Setting me free just to be happier. I now understand why this happened. I trust in your plan for me Lord, I’m looking forward to these beautiful life changes that will come my way. :-)
trying so hard to become a better person.
Yesterday I realized how fast things were changing in my life… not just with myself, but with everyone around it as well. Everyone I know is growing up, being in my last year of high school I wonder how things are going to be after I graduate, will everyone still stick around?
That’s one of my fears to see the people I’m so close to right now end up drifting away cause college most times brings a new life.
Yes, I am looking forward to how things are going to be after I graduate, but I still have a fear in the back of my mind of new things coming into my life in the next couple of months. I guess its fear of “the unknown”…
People tell me to adjust to them, but its easier said than done.
Hopefully its all good things to come and good people to stay and others to come.
How much more can I take? I don’t deserve any of this. I keep pretending like everything is okay because I don’t want to face the truth. This is exactly why I don’t get close to people. I don’t like putting my emotions invested in people. They pull you close and then once they get bored with you they make you chase them. They don’t care, they only care about themselves. I refuse to even cry anymore. I’m so tired of crying, I find crying as being weak within myself and I refuse to. After today I will make sure that I change. No more feeling like I’m not worth it to you. I am fucking worth it and I’m not gonna let anyone make me feel like that anymore.
I’m just not happy right now. The people in my life are constantly telling me what I’m doing wrong. I just want to be APPRECIATED FOR ONCE. Ive been so caught up in pleasing others and having pressure from everyone. That Im not happy with myself or the things around me.
I just put on a smile for people so they don’t bother to ask. But I’m tired of feeling this way.
This isn’t me. I miss how things used to be with my family, friends, and boyfriend. We all used to be good. I had it all. I used to be an all around happy person.I want to be that again.
I need to met a person in this world who knows how to appreciate all the shit I’ve done for them and can embrace me.
Like come on.. Seriously.